Alex- The Dark is Lonely

There were what seemed like a few short, quick sentences of still farewell full of forced politeness and concealed contempt, next brisk footsteps and the closing of a front door, then silence. After a sigh with which Alex momentarily closed his eyes with defeat, he got up and crept downstairs, making his way to just outside the room in which the three has been conversing until his grandfather left, and where his parents now stood.

"I can't believe it," he heard his mother's voice finally. "I always knew your father was a nuisance, but to actually take our son's future in his hands and encourage him to join the navel academy…" There was a pause in which Alex could almost imagine his mother shaking her head, though he could not actually see her from the hall. "I just can't believe it."

Alex hears his father stand up from his chair and begin to pace, then reply, "Well, he did say that it was Alexander that wanted it…though why such an idea would have ever crossed his mind…"

"The boy's shown no ambition or desire to do anything," Mrs. Kennedy agreed tartly. "There is no doubt about the fact that he is bright, but it's what we have been hearing his entire life: he doesn't apply himself." Alex could have mouthed the last bit with her if he had wanted to; he had heard it often enough. "And then out of nowhere he applies to Annapolis and gets accepted! God knows what kind of strings your father pulled to get that to happen, because there is no way Alexander could have accomplished that on his own."

Alex leaned against the wall outside the doorway, his fists clenched and his eyes squeezed shut, trying desperately not to let his emotions go. 'God damn them for discussing me like that. I'm sorry I haven't lived up to your expectations my entire life, Mom…' He bit his lip, his thoughts continuing in a flurry. 'And God damn myself for being stupid enough to let them think this.' For a moment his mind dwelled on his less-than-exemplary middle school and early high school days - they seemed like a lifetime ago, and yet his parents insisted on talking about them as if they were yesterday. Hell, how his mother had pushed him, but it had been like pushing a stubborn mule: the more she did, the more he rebelled, refused to move, did the opposite of what she wished. He was lazy just to spite her, he hung out with people he knew his parents didn't like just to make them angry…It wasn't until both his parents gave up on him that he decided to change, for now that they were sure he could not, he wanted nothing better than to prove that he could. 'That's what I am,' he told himself bitterly, 'a stubborn mule who only wants to go against the grain, nothing more.'

Not wanting to hear any more of his parents' opinions, Alex began to make his way back to his room, but he was still able to catch a final declaration from his father: "Let Alexander think what he wants. We can only tell him what we think of the idea. I doubt he will be able to last, anyway, considering his ability to stand up to pressure in the past."

Alex winced, just restraining himself from charging down there and telling them exactly what he thought of their oh-so-candid opinion of their son. How dare they declare him unfit for something when all they had ever done was push and cajole and then give up? How dare they assume to understand him when they had never stopped to listen?

He returned to his room and to lying sleeplessly on his bed. Alex refused to feel sorry for himself. He would not sit there and mope and give in. He would go to Annapolis, God damn it, and he would not only survive, he would succeed. And then he would serve his country proudly and well, proving to them all that he could do better than succeed. He could be a hero.

There was a padding of light, barefoot feet in the hallway, and a few moments later twelve-year-old Kathryn poked her head in the door, her face illuminating in the moonlight. Alex turned with slight surprise. "What do you want, Katie?"

Without invitation the girl hurried into his bedroom and hopped on the bed. "I've decided what I want to do with my life."

"Oh?" The tone said that he currently did not want to hear about it, but it was ignored.

"Yup. I'm gonna be a psychologist, and I need to practice, so talk to me."

Alex couldn't help but smile as he looked at her, but it was wry. "Is it that obvious that I need a shrink?" He ruffled her hair, brightening his smile for her sake. "I'm fine, Katie. Really."

"No, you're not," she replied matter-of-factly, then asked without missing a beat, "What were Mom and Dad and Granddad fighting about?"

"Me," Alex told her honestly, rolling over so that his back was to her. It really was hopeless lying to Kathryn; she had always been able to read him like a book.

Kathryn moved on to the next question smoothly. "You really going into the Navy?"

"Theoretically," came his muttered reply, his back still to her.

Yet again ignoring his tone, Kathryn smiled. "Good. Then you'll be sorta a soldier and you can really protect me."

When Alex finally looked at her, he could do nothing but smile. Damnit, if that kid always knew just what to say. "I'll make it my first priority, hon. I promise."

Kathryn grinned and flopped down on her stomach so that she was now lying next to him. After a few minutes that made it obvious she wasn't planning on leaving, Alex queried, "Don't you think you should be getting to bed?"

"Can't I stay here?" she replied insistently. "It’s dark in my room."

Alex chuckled. "Aren't you a little old to be afraid of the dark?"

"Never said I was afraid," Kathryn protested, "it's just that the dark is lonely."

Alex gave another short chuckle, but there was a note in it that was so melancholy that it might have been mistaken for a sob. "Fine, get comfortable, kid." But Kathryn, already snuggled next to him and almost asleep, was a step ahead.

Alex watched her fall asleep and then ruffled her hair with a sigh. " 'Course I'll protect you," he whispered to her, "We don't want the world turning you into an idiot like your brother, now do we?"

posted at 8:52 p.m. on 11-10-02