Kennedy- Is Anybody There?

I can't stay.

I can't stand this any longer. Don't make me stay. Let me drop out, anything. Just get me out of this hellhole.

Mom and Dad would let me, too. They never wanted me to go into the Navy; as a matter of fact, they hated the idea. I could drop out and go home and they would understand. They'd shake their heads and give me those loving "I told you so" looks, I'd apply to Boston College, NYU, hell, maybe even Princeton, and I'd get in. I could study business and eventually inherit Dad's company, I could become a lawyer like Mom, I could do anything else I wanted to and never have to see Annapolis again.

Oh, for God's sake, Alex, get a hold of yourself. Because I couldn't do that, not really. That would be proving my family right, showing that I really can't get through all this, and worse yet, it would be letting them scare me away.

That's got to be what this is about: trying to scare me away. This being dragged out of bed at three in the morning by some second years when I've just gone to sleep and have a test in the morning and told to do push ups while reciting God knows what, or being sent on the stupidest of errands just to find out that it was all a joke, or just the random and utter humiliation that the older students seem to relish inflicting on us. This hazing. If that could just stop it wouldn't be so bad…I wouldn't keep falling asleep in class…I could actually think straight and stop worrying about what they're going to pull on me next. Midshipman, what the hell do you think you are doing! maybe wouldn't have to be yelled in my personal direction every five minutes.

And it's not even just not being able to concentrate on anything due to lack of sleep. Aren't there only so many ways that a guy can be humiliated before he goes crazy?

Maybe if someone actually cared, if someone thought about those around them for more than to make sure they were doing everything right. If someone…But this is how it is, they all say. This is how it is, with that look that adds, 'and if you can't deal with it you can take your weak pansy ass and leave'.

Well, screw that. I'm going to get through this year if just to prove to someone next year that we're not all like that, and maybe even make someone a little less miserable.

I can do this, really, I can. After all, it can't get any worse, can it?

posted at 9:58 a.m. on 07-18-02